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The Winter Solstice Festival of Fat

You know…maybe it’s not my fault. Looking back over the years I realize that this has been a repeating pattern, set in motion every November first and runs all the way through January second.

I believe it may be caused by some kind of combined effect of forces exerted by the moon and the sun. An astronomical phenomenon that draws me to the buffet table, much like the moon’s gravitational pull draws in the ocean tide. Making matters worse, food that wouldn’t be accessible at other times of the year is suddenly in abundant supply.

It begins the day after Halloween. A large bowl, half full of “fun sized” Snickers bars leftover from the night before attract my attention. Intending to give them away, I instead slowly devour them, all of them. Soon pumpkin pie, turkey dressing and cheesecake appear out of nowhere…the feed is on.

In a very short period of time the healthy lifestyle achieved through diet and exercise takes a backseat to my mouth-watering culinary adventure. That new hole punched into my belt will no longer be required. Unfortunately the worse is yet to come.

The dreaded Christmas cookie exchange has lined my counter top with tantalizing colorful delights that bait me into a carbohydrate overdose. The aromas of fresh baked bread and almond pound cake wafting from the oven fill my nostrils and render me helpless. I need intervention.

Having recognized that this is in fact a reoccurring event, I ask myself “Why fight it?” Maybe it was meant to be. God in all His wisdom may have purposed this to happen in order to prepare my body for the cold winter months ahead. You know, like when the fox and raccoon grow thicker coats of fur, or the bear fattens up for hibernation. It’s not my fault…its God’s plan. Yeah!!!!

But if that’s true, why then on the second day in January of each new year do I find myself reliving another ritual? I abruptly do an about-face and return to nibbling like a rabbit on meals consisting of things like lean turkey wrapped in lettuce leafs. Have I been fighting an un-winnable battle against God’s will for my body? After all the Book of Proverbs says: “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.” God wants me fat! No wonder I fail to lose weight year after year!

Feeling pretty good about my new revelation I informed my pastor how my in-depth bible study provided me with a clear understanding of physical fitness. He half-heartily nodded his head and said, “Leave scriptural interpretation to those who have been trained in the field” Then he suggested I should instead read the Book of Weight Watchers!

As another Festival of Fat draws to a close, I again try to regroup and return to a healthy lifestyle. I hope the Arizona winter lettuce crop is doing well this year. Maybe Fresca has come up with a new flavor of diet pop. I wonder if there’s anything that can be done with celery that will make it taste like something other than celery.

One thing I know for sure is at this age my body and my fat have become really good friends; almost inseparable.

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