I’m so stiff in the morning these days…I should have taken better care of myself. Starting a daily exercise plan might be a good idea. Maybe a little stretching or yoga would help. I think I’m going to start off slow though by simply bending over and touching my toes…or a least pointing at them.
They tell me that sniffing…um…what do you call it…rosemary, will improve my memory and increase my focus. I haven’t noticed any real improvement just yet, but the house does smell like a Christmas tree farm.
The advantages of retirement include not having to be in a hurry — what I don’t get done today, I’ll finish tomorrow. People hold doors for me and I get senior discounts at restaurants. I can even pretend to be hard of hearing when I’m actually just ignoring you.
I’m happy to see that I’m still able to multitask. Like this morning for instance, I brewed a pot of willow bark tea to relieve my headache, while mining some earwax to rub on my cold sore.
The disadvantage is mostly related to the loss of income. I can’t just walk into a store and buy what ever catches my eye. Being on a fixed income has me continuing to look for some cheaper alternatives to expensive store bought products.
I started with the mother of all cure-alls: a concoction made from Blue Dawn dish detergent, white vinegar, and lemon juice. That stuff is supposed to do everything from unclog my toilet to repel fleas and snakes. I think 55 gallons ought to get me through the year.
Did you know that duct tape is supposed to remove skin tags? I have to admit, I feel somewhat like a toilet papered house with all this stuff hanging off me. Anyone know how long it takes for this to work?
They say that washing my feet with vodka will keep them smelling fresh…what I notice most is that I seem to be attracting a lot of new Russian friends.
I heard that mayonnaise is good for treating dry hair. I wonder if that nasty jar of Miracle Whip in the fridge would work…it tastes more like hair tonic than it does mayonnaise anyway.
Should I consider getting a lap dog to keep me company? You know my friends could begin dying off any time now.
I need to find a new cure for a sore throat. My wife told me that if I wrap my dirty socks around my neck one more time, she’s leaving me.